Trying again...

Funny how when you take your eyes off the road for just a minute, you find yourself completely off track.

That's how I'm feeling lately. I can't seem to get my mind on track. It's so frustrating to KNOW what you SHOULD do, yet watch as you choose the wrong thing over & over. I'm certainly thankful that His mercies are new every morning...now if only MY mercies towards myself were that forgiving!

Failing...

The "sugar free" train definitely got derailed by Halloween.... ugh, "Butterfingers" and "Snickers", why must you taste SOOO good??!!

Determined to get back on track with my thinking AND eating: sugar free is best for me. 0-5 is the way to go.

Trying again.

Give me Jesus...

More & more I become convinced that the only way to succeed at anything is to think of myself less.

Marriage: It really doesn't matter if I write a million love letters, send flowers, singing telegrams and balloon bouquets every day of my life. If I wake up every day and think my world revolves around me, my marriage will fail.
Parenting: I can buy every educational toy, sign my daughter up for every activity and help her learn everything there is to learn. But if I am doing it to make MY name great, I will lose her.
Friendships: I can spend quality time, make phone calls, send cards, attend coffee dates, but if my heart is set on what it will get ME, I will be a miserable excuse of a friend.

If my desire to eat healthily becomes the entire focus of my day and it's not about a pursuit of obedience to my Maker, I've missed the mark. I've still made it all about me. I have to have Jesus. That's all there is to it.
I have to wake up every morning begging for more of Him.
More grace. More patience. More kindness. More Spirit-driven obedience.
Nothing good in my life will come on my own volition.
I need Him.

4 days off sugar....

So the more thought I've given it, I have decided to go off sugar as best as I can. For now I'm defining that as "obvious" sugary food: desserts, pastries, muffins, donuts (ACK!), candy, icecream, soda (regular and diet since the diet just makes me want sugary foods)...

I'd started using coffee creamer again (I'd been off of it for months) and I think that was adding more fuel to the desire for candy and sugar. In fact, I was having 2-3 cups of coffee just for the creamer. When I drink it black with stevia, I only have a cup.

I realize that sugar-free sometimes means people using aspartame or other sugar substitutes. I'm trying to not go that route. I think that the sweetness just makes me want more, whether it's real or fake.

Since my big-picture-goal is to be un-obsessed with food and weight loss,  I don't want to get nuts over checking labels stringently and being obsessed with hidden sugar in items.  Yes, sugar is in just about everything. And, yes, I should eat less processed foods. So for now the goal is to avoid obvious sugar, make healthy choices and continue to work on eating when at zero and stopping at "5".

Sugarholic?

I've been thinking on this passage from the Bible lately....

"You say, 'I am allowed to do anything'—but not everything is good for you.
You say, 'I am allowed to do anything'—but not everything is beneficial."

1 Corinthians 10:23  (NLT)

My pursuit to eat when truly hungry and stop when satisfied (on the hunger/fullness scale of 0-5) means that technically I can eat anything that sounds good. However, as I've watched my habits and inclinations, I see that this verse is true. It may all be "allowed", but it's not all "beneficial". 

The balance here comes in recognizing that I may need to limit myself or implement some boundaries for ME, for MY body....not because a celebrity does it. Not because a diet book as recommended it. Not because it's the "IN" thing to do. 

I'm starting to find that I do not handle sugar well. It throws my mood off wildly. It sends my energy-level on a roller coaster. It's likely what's to blame for my skin's ups-and-downs. I am suspecting it may be behind the digestive problems I've been having. 

A book I'm currently reading even addresses the fact that sugar & alcohol are almost identical in their composition. I can't help but see the similarity behind the idea of someone being a sugar addict in the same way one can be an alcoholic.

Lots to think about... but I think it means some change is comin'!

Naturally Thin Eater

This article has a fantastic list of observations that the author made while comparing her eating habits with her naturally thin sister.

Now if only I could DO those things......

Struggling....

Not sure what else to say. Just been a rough couple of days. The voices that hate my body are louder than usual. Sometimes I just hate being a flawed, imperfect human with a sinful mind & heart. As much as I know Jesus loves me, died for me and dwells within me, it's hard to REALLY know that day in, day out with the other voice seems louder.