Downsizing...

So a friend shared this article with me yesterday & it has given me a lot to think about. Could I really pare my closet down this significantly?

In theory, I LOVE the idea of being this minimalistic. I LOVE the idea of less clutter, less to clean, less to put away, just LESS.

I worry though:
-Am I brave enough to commit to less?
-How do I turn off the "hoarder" side of me that says, "but you might need this one day!"?
-What if I make the wrong choice in what to keep/get rid of?
-What if I miss something I get rid of?
-What if I get tired of the things I keep?
-What if this minimalistic thing is just a fad for me?

Interesting that as I look at & evaluate my worries, there are a few common themes:
-Courage/trust
-Provision, sufficiency
-Anxiety about the future

And you know what I notice? These are the same themes that I find in myself spiritually & when it comes to food issues.

• I don't trust myself to hear, really HEAR God, or if I do, I don't have the courage to DO what I think I've heard Him tell me to do.
• I want to have more than enough "in case I need it". I think I have to provide for myself and have a contingency plan for my contingency plan. 
• The future is scary. What if I can't handle it? What if I don't have what I need to get through what is coming? How can I protect myself from the hurts/disappointments/etc. that may be coming? 

It's not fun to admit all that. It's unsettling to realize that a task as mundane as cleaning out my closet can dredge up all internal junk!

Maybe this project is just a first step? Maybe downsizing on the outside will help me downsize on the inside? Maybe taking on these "mundane" projects will actually reap more eternal, significant fruit?

Gratitude & Praise

I came across this blog post the other day & have been thinking through this idea of gratitude & praise. 

What if I made it a point to deliberately praise the qualities and attributes of my God every time I thought about eating?

What if I practiced speaking to Him every time I entertained the idea of obsessing about my body?

Isn't this essentially what is meant when Paul admonishes us to "take every thought captive" or to "be transformed by the renewing of your mind"  (2 Corinthians  10:5; Romans 12:2)?

Disciplined Eating

from http://chasingafterdear.com/2013/10/04/d-i-s-c-i-p-l-i-n-e-d-e-ating-printable-adapted-from-elyse-fitzpatricks-love-to-eat-hate-to-eat/#imageclose-7126

Working through Elyse Fitzpatrick's book Uncommon Vessels...lots to "chew on".  ;-)

Finish line?

It's tempting to believe the lie that when I've reached my "goal weight", I'll be done with all this. As if somehow having less weight, less fat on my body will have resulted in less anxiety, less worry, less self-focus, more discipline and more Gospel-focus.

More & more, I'm coming to realize that the two ideas are not compatible. Becoming more like Christ is not dependent upon my weight. Achieving a healthy body is not what decides whether or not I'm moving in the right direction in becoming Christ-like.

However, submitting to my Heavenly Father in EVERY area of my life will move me closer to the sanctification I'm pursuing. And if I choose to see this issue of my disordered thinking about food as an opportunity to grow in Christ-likeness instead of a hindrance, then maybe I'm headed in the right direction? Maybe it's all about perspective? These issues I see as shortcomings and sin are already paid for and I'm already justified. So rather than letting that be a source of guilt, I will choose to see them as reminders that I'm not home yet. I'm not yet at my finish line.

Where I am. . .

. . . is NOT where I thought I'd be 4 months into 2015.

*SIGH*

I go back and re-read my resolutions post and just want to cry at my failures. Illness, snow days... for some reason all these unexpected set backs at the start of the year have made it hard for me to get back into the swing of the routine I had started. I'm still struggling to get back to where I was.

I can tell that I'm not as healthy, physically & spiritually, as I was. Apart from my desire to make 2015 about the gospel, the stakes are higher. In February we found out that I'm expecting our second child. Doing a pregnancy at this weight was not my plan. Doing a pregnancy without being further along in this journey of peace with eating was not what I wanted.

I'm trying to rest in the promise that God's ways are higher than mine. His thoughts are better. His direction is perfect. Everything in my life that I think is unexpected is perfectly planned by Him.