Friday, January 2, 2015

2015 resolutions

Time for a new year's resolution list. *SIGH*

I can come up with a laundry-list of things I want to change, ways I want to be different, goals  I want to set. But really, I'm finding it all boiling down to one big idea that is going to take a LONG time (ok, really a lifetime) to master. But for once, this year, I'm actually going to vocalize it & put it front & center to face.

I want to begin to mindfully, intentionally, deliberately choose Gospel-centered thinking about everything.

Yikes! Even typing that stung a little.

But the truth is that I act like the idea of thinking Biblically is something I can put on & take off when it's convenient. I can choose me when no one is watching and it won't matter. I'm finally old enough, aware enough to realize that it always matters. I'm starting to see that the sins that I wrestle with privately are linked to my mindset & how I let that mindset play itself out in my actions. I have made myself so busy trying to change those actions rather than change the mindset.

I want to see a heart change. A real, honest-to-goodness change of my heart. I've read the books, I've listened to the sermons, I've contributed to the Bible-study discussions. Enough.
I have the tools--it's time to admit that I'm not using them.
Just do it.

I have to make a decision every day, every moment about who I will be. I say I want freedom from bulimia. I say I want freedom from depression. I say I want freedom from self-centered thoughts and impatience and anger and...... None of that will come unless I stop focusing on these things as the "finish line".

This year I am practicing Gospel Moment Living. Every day. Every moment is an opportunity to apply the truth of the Word of the God. Every day I am choosing Truth. I am choosing life. I am choosing Gospel over ME. Just right now. Just this time. Just this moment. Stop thinking I have to have a bigger plan. I don't. It doesn't matter what happens tomorrow or even later today. Right now, in this moment, choose the right thing. Then at the  next decision-point, choose the next right thing. Take my eyes off of bigger planning. Who cares what comes next. Who cares about what if!  I can't make my entire life be some resolution or finish line--that is overwhelming and I fail at it constantly. It's too big of a chunk for me to process.
I don't need all the answers.
I don't need to see the whole plan.
I'm just choosing the Gospel this moment.

Here we go...

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