Saturday, September 20, 2014
Lately, I've been thinking about what kinds of things are triggers for me...not emotional eating triggers, but disordered-thinking-triggers.
For some who are recovering from anorexia, it's seeing other people's weights (particularly weights they perceive as lower or "better" than their own). For some with bulimic-tendencies, it may be certain foods that will send them into a spiral of self-loathing.
I'm finding that for me it can be various things, of course, but lately I've become more aware of the danger that is "wellness" Instagrammers/bloggers/Pinterest-ers. Seeing those incessant before/after pictures and reading about all the food plans, workout routines, meal preparations & supplement recommendations send me into a tail spin.
Here's the conclusion I've come to:
-A lot of those women are athletes, truly & genuinely training for a specific event/competition. I will admit that it may be that those kinds of athletics require such disciplined behavior. However,
-I am not currently pursuing that kind of competitive behavior, nor do I believe that kind of behavior would be healthy for me at this point in time. Also....
-Some of these women are dealing with their own disordered eating & thinking. It is cleverly disguised as athletic discipline and iron willpower, but it is disordered none-the-less. I just can't bring myself to believe that scheduling your meals to the minute & eating exactly the same things every day while religiously measuring, weighing & analyzing every morsel is normal eating behavior.
My mantra has become: BE NORMAL. Granted, I don't necessarily know exactly WHAT is normal, but I find saying that to myself does help me to turn some switch. A normal person does not mentally repeat over & over the list of foods eaten in a day. A normal person does not panic, full-blown, cold sweat panic, over not working out in a day. A normal person does not need to finish everything on her plate and fret over if she can have more.
In this pursuit to balance normal and healthy, I have discovered something: I like working out. And you know what's normal? Doing something regularly because it makes you sleep better, think more clearly & smile more.
at 9:55 PM